At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
