ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
