I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Im part way to drunk.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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