you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
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