So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
