I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
