Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
