Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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