You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
