He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Randomize
