you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
