everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
why is half of my head shaved?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
