Kiss
Puke
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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