Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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