I like to think it a success when the cops are called
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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