you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
