I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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