I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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