We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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