Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
