his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
