I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
