you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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