I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
