im drinking this country out of the recession.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize