I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
