good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
