My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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