this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
