now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
