I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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