I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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