A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
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