I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
