I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
