my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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