He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Randomize
