walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
