Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Randomize
