if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
