she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
