Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Is this like a preordered booty call?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
