We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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