YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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