Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
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