I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
