The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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