We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
MIDGETS
????
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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