I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
