I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
