Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
