it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
