Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
