It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
