My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
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