I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
