The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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