man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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