tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
