WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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