So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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