Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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