i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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