how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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